Being raised in an Asian household, were you always held to high (sometimes unrealistic) standards? Particularly, when it comes to the academic arena? Were you always expected to bring home straight A's and nothing less? Etc.

Yes, I was (and still am) ALWAYS held to very very high standards in everything that I do (be it academic or non-academic). Touching base upon the academic aspect of it all though, I was expected by my parents (moreso from my Mom than my Dad) to get straight O’s in elementary school and to get only straight A’s in junior high, high school and all throughout college. How realistic is that? One can only imagine what my childhood was like and the standards that I had to live by, right? However, it’s not as bad as you think though. I had a pretty happy childhood. Thanks to my Dad! My Dad was the ‘Americanized’ parent in our household of 6. I felt like I had a Caucasian Dad because my Dad was so understanding and so forgiving unlike my Mom. He praised me when I did well in school, spoiled me when I didn’t even deserve it, and encouraged me when I didn’t do so well. He taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and to fail. It’s part of growing up and of being what we call a 'human'. He didn’t expect perfection from me. With my Dad, I was allowed to be imperfect. That’s what I loved about him! Growing up, I was able to relate to my Dad a lot more than my Mom because my Dad was so understanding ya know.

My Mom, however, was the exact opposite. I was her youngest daughter, so I was expected to be perfect at all times. She never praised me when I did well for fear that it would get to my head. Instead, psychologically, she went the negative route on me (like most typical Asian parents); she would never praise me when I brought home straight A’s, but would scold me whenever I got a B. To her, a B is equivalent to an F. She practiced what we call ‘negative reinforcement’ and looking back now, instead of resenting my Mom (especially being the positive person that I am, I tend to see the positive aspects of everything); I understand completely why she was so hard on me. She was looking out for my own best interest and she saw true potential in me, something that I might have overlooked as a teen. Had she not set those expectations for me (however realistic or unrealistic they were), would I have excelled and performed so well in school like I am now? That’s a question I’ve been pondering. Of course, I was self-motivated to do well too as it is in my nature, but that extra push was what I needed. Also, would I have gotten into the dream school of my choice had I not earned those grades that my mom expected of me? Highly unlikely. So I have my mom to thank for my academic success.

In fact, we had a talk about this and I jokingly told my Mom that in grad school, a ‘B IS equivalent to an F’ Mom. You’re right! If you get anything below a B average, you will get kicked out. And my Mom’s like... "See, I prepared you well for grad school now didn’t I?" For those who think that grades don’t matter (yes, grades aren’t everything, but they are a measure of your hardwork and your scholastic achievements; college and grad school admission counselors have no way of measuring or assessing your scholarly and/or academic performances, so the grading system was put in place to do just that job for them!). In grad school, it's true...you are expected to get A’s and only A’s and perhaps a few B’s, but if your GPA doesn’t equate to a 3.0 or higher by the end of the coming semester, you will then be put on academic probation, and then dismissed forever and you’ll never be allowed to return back ever!

Honestly, I grew to appreciate the fact that I had such a strict Mom growing up (and I know some of you are prob shocked to hear this from me!), but I mean...think about it. Had my mom been very lenient on me and expected nothing but mediocre grades from me, then perhaps I wouldn’t have worked so hard (or as hard) in school ya know especially knowing that I could just get away with earning average grades (but because of that factor, school became my life, it pushed me to work really really hard!). I’m glad she held me to higher standards than most parents would hold for their children because she made me believe in myself and realize my true potential and that I was capable of anything in life. Of course, she scolded me when I did get a B like I mentioned previously (which was only twice in high school and once in college), but then she’d feel guilty afterwards and luckily, I never received any beatings (unlike my Vietnamese friends who would get beaten pretty bad if they received anything lower than an A. Ouch!).

It’s easy to get mad and angry at your parents, but try to understand where they are coming from as parents and don’t be so quick to resent your parents! One day, when you become a parent, you will think back...and be like, oh no wonder my Mom was so hard on me, gosh now I understand why, etc. etc. Being a parent isn’t easy and it’s prob the toughest job in the world. I’m glad I’m not a parent yet. *whew* And, if you ask me, I would rather have parents who place very high expectations for me; who love me; and care a lot about me as oppose to having parents who are negligent and/or who could care less about my academic performances; hold no expectations for me and in turn, would rather gamble and/or drink all day.

Thanks to my overly strict and rigid Mom, I had a perfect transcript in junior high (all A’s resulting in a 4.000 GPA and thus received a Gold Medallion which was presented to me by our school district's Superintendent during my junior high graduation); a near perfect transcript in high school with all A’s and only 2 B’s (but those two B’s were equivalent to two A's since they came from Advanced Placement courses, and no C’s at all resulting in a 4.333 GPA and for my hardwork, I received a Gold Medallion from the Santa Ana Unified School District Board of Education for being one of the top ten seniors in the entire school district of Santa Ana during my year and was also given a separate Gold Medallion from my own high school, Century High, for graduating in the tandy top 1% of my senior class); went on to receive a total of five full scholarships including a full ride one which was the Bill Gates Scholarship aka Gates Millenium Scholarship to attend college at the University of CA, San Diego where I graduated Summa Cum Laude (and with Departmental Honors stamped on my college diploma); then went on to receive a full ride scholarship and a Presidential Fellowship to attend Harvard University where I am currently pursuing my doctoral degree. Going back to transcripts, in college, I also had a near perfect transcript with all A's and only 1 B+ resulting in a 3.989 GPA. Now in grad school, I currently have a perfect transcript comprising of only straight A's for the past 5 semesters resulting in a solid 4.000 GPA (I haven't gotten a B *yet and I don't intend to either since I want to keep my grad school transcript perfect).

So as you can see, it paid off big time for me! Thanks Mom! :o) I hold no resentment towards my Mom for being so hard on me (as a child), but instead, I only have feelings of gratitude and appreciation for my Mom; especially for what she did and for all that she has done for me til this very day. All in all, my childhood was pretty much balanced out since I had a lenient Dad to make up for my overly strict Mom. I love them both equally, regardless. My mom is cool now and we have a very close relationship. After my Dad passed away, my Mom became more understanding now than ever and her heart softened up big time. She’s a lot more positive too. I guess I rubbed off a lot of my positive energy and spirit onto her. hehe.

How has your upbringing effected your mentality to this day?

Well....

Growing up, I felt like I had to be the best in school and to be number 1 in everything or else I’m considered a failure. Then my Dad would remind me that you don’t always have to get gold medallions in school, but to remember that that 'gold' is within you all along. He taught me that in life, as long as you have a heart of gold, that's all that matters! He's like..."I didn't name my youngest daughter Vanna for nothing, for Vanna means 'GOLD'. You'll always remain a piece of gold even if you bring me a silver medallion from school." I remembered crying in his arms when he said that. It was just so touching, especially coming from my Dad because he was the one and only person during my childhood who didn't expect perfection from me. For once, I was allowed to be 'imperfect' and that was okay! I realize now that I don’t always have to bring home gold medallions, and that a silver is okay too. It took me a good number of years to realize that. But it’s all a part of this learning process we call ‘life’ ya know. What can I say? You live and you learn. hehe!

Have you always been expected to be #1 (in almost EVERYTHING) and not just by your parents, but by your ENTIRE Cambodian Community (the one that you grew up in that is)? Do you think it's FAIR?

Sadly, yes I was. I didn’t understand why either. Do I think that it's fair? NO! Of course, NOT. My three other siblings (which includes 1 older brother, 1 older sister and 1 younger brother) didn't have it as hard as I did nor were they expected to be 'perfect'. In fact, they were allowed to be 'average'. Can you believe it? But me? NOPE. I was expected to be perfect and to be #1 in school, at least by my Mom. Anyway, this is partially due to the fact that I was considered the 'hope' for the family ya know. Huy! My parents considered me the 'gifted' child! Growing up, being the second to youngest out of four siblings, and the youngest daughter, I honestly felt like I was, unfairly, being molded into this image of perfection not just by my parents, but also by the entire Cambodian Community that I grew up in. Because of my academic excellence and my reputation of being one of the most obedient and traditional Cambodian daughters in my community, I earned myself the favoritism and admiration of many Cambodian parents in my community and almost every parent wanted and wished for their child to be just like me and/or to emulate my self image. I was also reminded over and over that I was a role model for the younger children in my community, so back in high school, I couldn't even die my hair light brown (gosh, I just wanted to look fashionably 'hip' for once, that was all...ya know? lol) , but then I couldn't because it would be considered as setting a 'bad' example for the younger Cambodian girls in my community who all look up to me. Huy!

To most Cambodian Parents in my community, I was the ideal image of that so-called 'perfect child'. I am far from being perfect though (I mean nobody is!), but it didn't matter because to them I was considered 'perfect' in every way. Just to give you an idea, in regards to the Cambodian community that I grew up in (Santa Ana, CA to be exact...located in the heart of Orange County, California), we're a fairly small and relatively close-knit Cambodian Community so everyone knew each other by name and we all knew who was who. Majority of the time, I felt truly flattered and very happy to be given so much love and support from everyone; sometimes I was even given preferential treatment by my parents but often times though, I was almost always put on a pedestal by my entire Cambodian community. But you see that all came with a hefty price though. In exchange, they held incredibly high (sometimes unrealistic) expectations and standards for me and always expected me to be #1 in everything. There was just no room for failure or at least that’s how I felt at that time!

I always thought I had to be the best in everything. It was pathetic! I was a child and I didn't know any better. Every parent knew me by name and heart. This was due to the fact that I attended a Cambodian Youth Program (aka Samakom Khmer since 3^rd grade-12th grade), and worked as a part-time youth counselor in that same program during the last two years of high school. It was also there that I taught elementary school Cambodian-American kids how to read and write in Khmer. Moreover, I also had the opportunity to work closely with almost every parent (even my friends’ parents) who had a child enrolled in the youth program. So almost every parent knew me and pretty much, I got along with all of them. A lot of them loved me as their 'own', even. I was also a very very active member in my Cambodian Community since age 7.

From Cambodian Poetry singing contests (back in the third grade which I won 1st place and my teacher, Lok Kru Chea aka 'Pu Chea' still has all the videotapes of me singing Khmer poetry in front of an audience of 300 since age 8 which I believe is still stored at CamFam aka Samakom Khmer), to spelling bee’s (in elementary school which I won 1st place), to competing in academic decathlons (back in junior high & high school which I placed 1st in four different subjects/categories), to winning prestigious scholarships back in high school (which I won 1st place for 4 out of the 5 scholarships that I had applied for), to gaining admissions into the nation's most prestigious colleges, universities and graduate schools, I was always expected to be #1 in my Cambodian Community (of course, referring to the community that I grew up in that is). For undergrad, it was expected by my family and fellow peers that I would get into UCSD (and I did...luckily, because that was my 1st choice and my dream school to attend for undergraduate studies), and for grad school, it was already expected of me by everyone that I would get into Harvard (and I did...thankfully, because that was my #1 dream school to attend for pursuant of my doctorate). I am a very very lucky individual to have gotten into all the schools of my choice and yes, I do feel incredibly blessed in every way. Believe me, it's not something that I will ever take for granted. Gosh, but when I did get into Harvard (along with all of the other schools that I had applied for), it didn't even come as a surprise or shock to anyone in my Cambodian Community. Why? Because they had already expected that of me, that I would get in. But if I didn't, then they would be shocked!

The crazy pressure that was placed upon me as a child and well onto my adulthood was overwhelmingly intense, insane and unfair. The thing was I didn't want to let anyone down ya know. Hence the quote, "To whom much is given, much is expected." I was always afraid of disappointing my parents, especially my Mom and/or my entire Cambodian community who glorified and cheered me on the whole entire way! I was seriously terrified. I was afraid of failing (but now I'm not though!). As a child, I was always expected to win 1^st place, to be academically #1 in my community, especially with anything and everything that has to do with the words ‘school’ and ‘academia’. People who know me in real life know that I am not a very competitive person at all (at least not with people of the same ethnicity as me) nor do I feel the need to compare myself to others. I’d rather wish for all of us to work together, unite and compete with people of different ethnicities (such as our neighboring countries) to show that we are just as capable and uplift our Cambodian name.

During my teen years, whenever I did well in school, I would always share all my secrets and methods of success with my fellow Cambodian-American peers at school. Heck, even when there was any new scholarship information that got posted by a teacher on campus, right away, I would be the first person to spread the word to all my friends. This is so that we all can apply for it and get free money! I never kept anything to myself. That's just the type of person that I am. I always want to see all my friends succeed and do well and I am always willing to lend them a helping hand, if need be. If I was selfish and wanted to be the best, I most certainly would NOT have leaked out all that useful information and/or give helpful advices and tips to my friends (who were of the same ethnicity and background as me), but I did! I never wanted any of my friends to feel an inferiority complex towards me. In fact, I even encouraged all my friends (and majority of them were Khmers too since I grew up in a Khmer community) to apply for the same scholarships that I had applied for and of course, to all the colleges that I applied to as well. Shoot, I remember even giving up sleep just to help each of them fill out their college admissions applications, scholarship forms, financial aid forms, etc. At one point, I had to even force some of them to apply for scholarships (beyond their will) because I cared and wanted the best for them even when they, themselves didn't care. They were too lazy, but when they received all that free money for school, they then appreciated me for forcing them to apply in the first place.

I admit to being very naive back in junior high and part of high school because I would even allow some of my Khmer friends (who turned out not to be real friends but only befriended me because they wanted to get good grades and took advantage of my niceness) to copy my homework; sometimes I even gave them the answers to test questions when we had the same teacher but during different periods (I knew it was bad, but I wanted all of them to get straight A's like me too so that I wouldn't be the only one and so that they each wouldn't feel bad ya know). And for that, I got taken advantaged of so I've learned that you can’t always be too nice to people. Huy! This is partially my Mom’s fault because she taught me that if you are genuinely a nice person, then good things will always happen to you and/or come your way. I love helping people (not just Cambodians but anybody) and my Mom knows this! Anyway, just to follow up, the exact same people who I thought were my 'friends', who took advantage of me back in junior high and high school by copying my homework and copying off of my work, etc. are now currently single moms on AFDC with 2 or 3 children out of wedlock! They never took their education seriously like I did. And so now, I guess the consequences of their actions speak for itself. I wish them the best of luck, as always, though.

Sometimes, when people expect you to be #1 all the time, it can get rather annoying! When I was little, there were times where I would pray and ask to be 'normal'. I wanted to be like the rest of the kids in my community. To play all day and have no worries at all! At times, I was confused too. I didn't understand why so much expectations and standards were placed upon me. Like, why me? Now that I'm a full grown adult and have reached my prime age (*25), it all just fell into place for me. Personally, it doesn't matter to me anymore and I could care less. I no longer feel obligated to meet anyone's expectations except for the ones that I've set for myself. Like I said, I’m not a competitive person when it comes to my friends or fellow peers at school (but I do hold myself to very high standards. So to that end, I guess I am competitive with myself and I never give less than 100% in all that I do!). Okay, back to people placing expectations on me, it got to the point where I just grew sick and tired of having to live up to everyone’s expectations (this is my life and I'll live it the way I want! shoot. ) and so now I answer to no one but myself. Don't get me wrong, I still love my family and my Cambodian Community very much and try to visit them whenever I can, but as of now, I’m living the life that I've always wanted and I'm pursuing my passion for absolutely no one but me! I can honestly say that I am very happy and content with my life right now because I'm doing what I love most in this world! And that's all that matters...

How did YOU deal with all that pressure?

How did I deal with all that pressure? Well, simple really. I was very proactive! I tried not to let it bother me or get to me. Instead of taking it out on myself or other people, I learned to be calm and at peace with myself. Meditation and reading therapeutic books surely helped me out a great deal too. Thanks to Stephen Covey and his book called, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", it worked miracles. I’ve exercised each habit that he addressed and preached about in his book (ever since I was in junior high) and believe it or not, it has reaped many great rewards for me. Most of it is all common sense, really. It’s just that a lot of people tend to neglect these habits when they are put under high stress and whatnot. 

I’ve also learned to turn every obstacle, every challenge that I face (and/or was facing at the time) into something that would benefit and empower me on the whole (both mentally and spiritually) and instead of succumbing to them, I'm using them as mere stepping stones to help guide and shape me to become a stronger person as I prepare for my future up ahead. The power of positive thinking makes all the big difference. It really does! I know that growing up, if I didn’t have a positive outlook on life, I would not be who or where I am at today! For me, personally, I tend to look at every negative experience or encounter as a great opportunity for me to improve and better myself; to nurture; to grow; and to learn from those circumstances so that I can a better person tomorrow.

Life will always present you with numerous tests, but in the end it's up to you to learn, to grasp and to absorb all that you can from those tests. And no matter how much pressure you face today, just know that tomorrow will lend you a new light; a new opportunity to start over again, shall you ever stumble and/or fall. All you have to do is get right back up and keep on going. Just keep going. Start over again if you have to. But always remember that life is a continual learning process until the day you pass. Also, this is what I tell myself sometimes, that it's perfectly okay to feel confused and to not know what to do at times; that you're not expected to have all the answers to questions that probably haven't yet even been asked. Lastly, don't be so hard on yourself either. Take it easy...one step and one day at a time. That's how I dealt with life's 'pressures'.

 P.S. - Sorry, I wrote so much. lol. So there you have it. My childhood in a blurp. It's only the lint of it all, really. 

....anyway, well have a great weekend everyone!

I think that Asian parents know of a few terms. PHD, Master's, Bachelor's, College, University, finance, Doctor, and Engineer. If you can't say at least one, then it's like you're a loser. If you say you work at a financial company, it's "ooohhh". Some parents, if u can't even get at least a Master's, then you fail. My dad is not happy with me cuz I'm not getting a Master's. What i'm doing is different and a Master's is irrelvant. If anything, it's more important than a Master's degree. Father is not happy becuz he wants to walk around saying "My son has a Master's". They can't brag about whatever else I have becuz most Asian parents don't know of it. U can have the best license and certification out there, but they can't brag about it becuz they just don't know of it.