Durga…the unobtainable…my only joy…my only love…we were made for each other. For she to destroy me…and for me to be the destroyed. I came into this world not knowing anything, save for the fact that I was somewhere in-between. Neither in one world or in the other, a specter if you will, neither the man who died long ago nor the man who will live in ages to come. The man who exists now neither knows nor does he care, the world is his to see and feel. To have a body for the first time, its surreal to know that your hands can do so much, so much power. Faceless men would take those hands and dirty them so that you might not ever wash the blood away from them, binding you to their will forever. It was through extreme measures did I ensure that I break free of the bounds, only the extraordinary will survive to see the true future. I had always aware of Durga, she is the instinct in all women to save what remains in the hearts of men who in their hearts are empty. The chaotic men whom this world is filled with. Men simply do not know what they want. They only can do what their senses tell them to do. If only they knew it was I whom they were staring into when they stared into the abyss. Never for a moment to think to even ponder what the darkness really meant. With her my life would be so very different, I would have fought others for her…but without her…I battled only the emptiness I felt in my heart, not knowing it was my longing for her that was eating away at me. I want enemies to crawl out of the woodwork to take me down…I want them to fear the God within the machine that is a man, I want them all to try to take me down. As Lancelot did at the bridge…to face all men…to face all men, to lose to one woman…to one woman I would lose everything…to lose my name, station and face…In her I would be reborn…In her I would die. We were equals before this story began and we were equals the last time I was destroyed. Now this Hero knows of another way to end this cycle of birth and rebirth…this hero knows how to win. This time I came as the final creature, the final form of the Demon cloaked in black. This time I came as the boy who would save them all. My last line already written, my last thought my own.
We came from nothing, so we must be willing to go back to that nothingness. We came from the same mystery, so we must be willing to go back to the mystery.
I see myself going through the motions, in and out of one story into another story. Each story my own, each tale to be told, told by me. The demon cloaked in jet black wings, what of he? I had looked look behind the darkness and saw what lurked just beyond the illusion. I had seen the darkness in his eyes. And now I wonder of how I had come to such a place. Surely this creature cannot exist now, can he? I still see the chaos that surrounded him and what madness came from him. “they created waves and in turn were destroyed by waves, battles became waves and waves became battles.” Then for the one…what was his calm in the center of it all. The terror that lies dreaming just below the surface. In the night can I find my way without help? Durga…my faith that everything that in my life was for a reason, that I was not an accident, that I was not alone. Durga the unobtainable, she who lives solely to destroy the enemy. That I did not die that day only drove home the fact that I cannot die until I have met her. What does my heart tell me? My heart tells me to keep on moving, to keep on living and knowing that even in my pain that she will always be there, waiting for me. I never understood my heart until I understood my dreams…when I learned of whom I might become…and what of the girl? From a blinding darkness I suddenly find myself on the shore. Where was I? What had I done? Standing still I wondered if I had did anything at all. But why was there so much chaos and confusion around me…why didn’t anything make sense? Had it ever made sense? It was as if my soul had finally found a home…stillness in my chest. I was bound to a mystery but now that I had found the answer I was aware of myself again. Still I question where was I and what was I doing? Behind eyes that were not my own, did I dream of everything that was ever to be. That parts of me that were to be had to be now if to escape the future. PAST PRIME.
